With Valentine's Day just around the corner, love is in the air or at least, that's what we're told...
But behind the romantic gestures and candlelit dinners, there's something that quietly erodes even the strongest relationships: resentment.
Resentment doesn't announce itself loudly. It builds slowly, simmering beneath the surface, growing stronger with every unspoken frustration and unmet need. Left unchecked, it becomes toxic turning affection into distance, understanding into bitterness, and connection into conflict.
So, where does it start?
• One person carrying the financial weight feeling the pressure of responsibility while the other seems unaware.
• One partner feeling frazzled with the kids longing for appreciation, support, or just five minutes to themselves.
• Feeling like a second choice resenting the time, energy, or love your partner gives to someone else, whether it's a parent, friend, or even their career.
• One partner prioritising their career working late, always preoccupied, leaving the other feeling like an afterthought.
• Feeling unheard or dismissed when one person constantly shuts down discussions, leaving the other feeling like their feelings don't matter.
Resentment thrives in silence. It grows when frustrations go unspoken, when hurt feelings are swallowed, and when we expect our partner to just know what we need without ever telling them.
So how do you stop resentment from taking hold?
• Recognise it. Be honest with yourself about what's really bothering you before that frustration turns into bitterness.
• Communicate before you explode. Small, honest conversations prevent big blowouts later. Your partner can't fix what they don't know is broken.
• Shift from blame to understanding. Resentment often comes from unmet needs.
• Let go of scorekeeping. It's not a competition. If you're tallying who does more, it's time to reset expectations and work together to rebalance.
• Swallow your pride, knowing that you'd rather be happy than be right. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is soften, be open, and approach our partner with curiosity instead of criticism.
Resentment isn't a sign that love is gone, it's a sign that something needs attention.
Having trouble dealing with resentment. Let me help you unravel it, email me at kirstie@kirstiesalter.co.uk
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